Do you ever feel slightly inadequate? Do you want to achieve greatness? Do you want your true, attractive personality to be esteemed by one and all? Do you want to get rid of those disgusting little personal habits of yours?
You could achieve all of these things if you had any willpower or one or two friends, but you haven't, have you? This is where hypnotism comes in.
Don't waste money on expensive 'consultations' with dubious practitioners behind closed curtains.
Instead, join the DIY set! All you need is a mirror and a brightly coloured medallion. You're now ready to transform your psyche. (Make yourself comfortable because it may take a few minutes.)
Start with the medallion. Swing it to and fro about six inches from your eyes. Stare fixedly at the centre, the centre. The centre! To and fro. To and fro. (Are your eyelids feeling heavy? I know mine are and I'm just writing the instructions!)
Now reach for your mirror. Place it with the shiny side facing you. (Any other side can lead to a non-result situation.) Peer closely into your mirror. Stare back at those little pink eyes. If they look like peppermint whorls you're on the button!
You are ready for auto-suggestion. Get ready with your mantra. Why not start with that old favourite "Oh, lovely attractive me! Adored by one and all."? Repeat your mantra 219 times. You can, if you like, make a dramatic presentation of it. However, throughout you must focus your attention on those swivelling pink eyeballs.
When you have finished take three deep breaths. You are ready to present your new persona to a waiting world. Grab your medallion and hit the streets. If you feel the need to mutter your mantra, feel free! If you want an extra focus boost from your medallion, take it! (The trick is to study your medallion while avoiding oncoming traffic.)
When you see strangers, fix them with your compelling gaze. Watch their expressions change from neutral non-recognition to surprise or awed respect. Smile at them encouragingly, while making melody with your mantra.
If you meet a wild-eyed madman gibbering meaningless doggerel, avoid him. He's read this guide. You are more likely to encounter ignorant hostility or slights. Ignore them! You know that, within yourself, you are absolutely marvellous! Relish the rapture of your new-found adoration, but avoid brightly lit mirrors.
If the above is not effective, you clearly need preparatory treatment. Read Practical Guide No. 43: CONSTIPATION – Nature's Go-Slow Signal
